Here's an update about what's happened.
While I was in California, my mom got a call from Children's Hospital, Seattle, from the Speech Therapy Department. Because we've been worried about Elijah having Autism for quite some time, I got a referral from our PCP and then waited for that call. Of course it would come while I was in California! :P Blessedly, my mother got the call and set the appointment for the 14th of July. WOW! That date was a blessing in and of itself because when I called them to put Elijah on the appointment waiting list, they told me it would be at least 6-9 months before we even got an appointment.
So the 13th rolls around, and I'm still loving being home with Elijah. Some days, I thought he did have Autism. The obvious signs, like inattention, routine playtime, lack of eye contact, and most of all his lack of communicative and general language were HUGE signs to me. But some days, he was just a happy, healthy, playful and talkative little man. He would look into my eyes, play with me, bring me books to read to him, and sing while we were swinging on the playset. So I couldn't decide whether or not I was sold on the idea of of my son having a developmental disorder such as Autism. The information I had was too conflicted.
You know, you pray for your kids when you have them. First and foremost you pray that they will grow to love Jesus. Also, you pray that they will have good friends and fun lives. You pray that they have every opportunity to grow, to thrive, to love and to learn. You pray that their lives will be as normal as they could possibly be. You don't, however, pray for them to never need you. You pray that not only will their lives be full, but that they know that you are there for them no matter what. At least, I pray these things for my son all the time.
Molly, Stephen and I spent three hours in Anita Wright, Speech & Language Pathologist's, office. We detailed his regular, daily home life and then she spent almost two hours playing directly with him, giving him all sorts of tests. Imaginary play tests, language tests, eye gazing and motor skills tests. None of them were invasive and Elijah was genuinely playing with the Ms. Wright. She was loving it, and he wasn't getting bored or impatient. Elijah, I felt, did really well. But as any parent knows, watching a doctor make marks on a piece of paper is extremely unnerving.
However, it is just as unnerving to hear a clinical speech diagnostician say that, based on the tests and parent reports, Elijah measures on the Autism Spectrum Disorder scale as a highly functioning autistic child. Even thinking about it makes me want to cry.
It seemed as if everything I ever prayed for my son to have was going to be washed away by this diagnosis.
It has only been two weeks since this diagnosis, and I'm still struggling with it. I look at pictures of my son before it, and a picture of him after it, and wonder... is Elijah truly a different boy? Or is the label affecting my view of him? Is it affecting anyone else, or is it just me?
Does he look different to you?
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| Before Diagnosis After Diagnosis |
All I know is that this is a learning curve for all of us here on the homefront. No one is truly prepared for a diagnosis of Autism. Fear of the unknown and the "not normal" is, in fact, normal. But there is one thing I do know. Those pictures of my beautiful boy are no different. He is amazing. My Elijah is a wonderful creation by God and I wouldn't have him any other way because I'm afraid for him. No, my Elijah is a stunning example of the Lord's generosity and love. And He gave Elijah to me because I would be the best mom for him. Yes, it's scary. Yes, it's unknown.
But we can conquer fear. We have strength. My Lindsey Michelle said to me, "God never gives us more than we can handle," and I disagree strongly with that statement. I cannot handle Elijah's autism if left to my own devices. It would ruin me and my marriage if I was let to run rampant across my son's training and tutoring and upbringing by myself. But GOD KNOWS ME, and KNOWS that the Stephen Straub family will have to LEAN ON HIM. That's the only way we're going to conquer the battles that lie ahead - by relying on the strength of the Almighty to do what we can't do on our own.
And that's everything I know so far.
We are still determined to have a super fun, packed-with-swimming-and-frolicking summer. There's a picture of the frolicking we've already done at the end of the post. So far, I've already harvested my rhubarb plant and made a pie, we've seen our family, been camping for an afternoon, been to the playground, and made some new friends. Everything in our lives is going full-speed-ahead, as always. Yes, there are times when it slows down to accommodate the hiccups. But I rest in the knowledge that God's Got It.
Amen.
All for now.
Love,
Kaela
