For I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me. (Phil. 4:13)

I have no idea how I have made it through the last couple of months. The Lord has been good to me, I believe. Really, he's been faithful to my family and loving to my heart. My friends and family have been heavenly vessels and have spoken much to my heart these past five weeks.

Here's an update about what's happened.

While I was in California, my mom got a call from Children's Hospital, Seattle, from the Speech Therapy Department. Because we've been worried about Elijah having Autism for quite some time, I got a referral from our PCP and then waited for that call. Of course it would come while I was in California! :P Blessedly, my mother got the call and set the appointment for the 14th of July. WOW! That date was a blessing in and of itself because when I called them to put Elijah on the appointment waiting list, they told me it would be at least 6-9 months before we even got an appointment.

So the 13th rolls around, and I'm still loving being home with Elijah. Some days, I thought he did have Autism. The obvious signs, like inattention, routine playtime, lack of eye contact, and most of all his lack of communicative and general language were HUGE signs to me. But some days, he was just a happy, healthy, playful and talkative little man. He would look into my eyes, play with me, bring me books to read to him, and sing while we were swinging on the playset. So I couldn't decide whether or not I was sold on the idea of of my son having a developmental disorder such as Autism. The information I had was too conflicted.

You know, you pray for your kids when you have them. First and foremost you pray that they will grow to love Jesus. Also, you pray that they will have good friends and fun lives. You pray that they have every opportunity to grow, to thrive, to love and to learn. You pray that their lives will be as normal as they could possibly be. You don't, however, pray for them to never need you. You pray that not only will their lives be full, but that they know that you are there for them no matter what. At least, I pray these things for my son all the time.




Molly, Stephen and I spent three hours in Anita Wright, Speech & Language Pathologist's, office. We detailed his regular, daily home life and then she spent almost two hours playing directly with him, giving him all sorts of tests. Imaginary play tests, language tests, eye gazing and motor skills tests. None of them were invasive and Elijah was genuinely playing with the Ms. Wright. She was loving it, and he wasn't getting bored or impatient. Elijah, I felt, did really well. But as any parent knows, watching a doctor make marks on a piece of paper is extremely unnerving.

However, it is just as unnerving to hear a clinical speech diagnostician say that, based on the tests and parent reports, Elijah measures on the Autism Spectrum Disorder scale as a highly functioning autistic child. Even thinking about it makes me want to cry.

It seemed as if everything I ever prayed for my son to have was going to be washed away by this diagnosis.



It has only been two weeks since this diagnosis, and I'm still struggling with it. I look at pictures of my son before it, and a picture of him after it, and wonder... is Elijah truly a different boy? Or is the label affecting my view of him? Is it affecting anyone else, or is it just me?

Does he look different to you?

Before Diagnosis                              After Diagnosis          

All I know is that this is a learning curve for all of us here on the homefront. No one is truly prepared for a diagnosis of Autism. Fear of the unknown and the "not normal" is, in fact, normal. But there is one thing I do know. Those pictures of my beautiful boy are no different. He is amazing. My Elijah is a wonderful creation by God and I wouldn't have him any other way because I'm afraid for him. No, my Elijah is a stunning example of the Lord's generosity and love. And He gave Elijah to me because I would be the best mom for him. Yes, it's scary. Yes, it's unknown.

But we can conquer fear. We have strength. My Lindsey Michelle said to me, "God never gives us more than we can handle," and I disagree strongly with that statement. I cannot handle Elijah's autism if left to my own devices. It would ruin me and my marriage if I was let to run rampant across my son's training and tutoring and upbringing by myself. But GOD KNOWS ME, and KNOWS that the Stephen Straub family will have to LEAN ON HIM. That's the only way we're going to conquer the battles that lie ahead - by relying on the strength of the Almighty to do what we can't do on our own.

And that's everything I know so far.

We are still determined to have a super fun, packed-with-swimming-and-frolicking summer. There's a picture of the frolicking we've already done at the end of the post. So far, I've already harvested my rhubarb plant and made a pie, we've seen our family, been camping for an afternoon, been to the playground, and made some new friends. Everything in our lives is going full-speed-ahead, as always. Yes, there are times when it slows down to accommodate the hiccups. But I rest in the knowledge that God's Got It.

Amen.

All for now.

Love,
Kaela

The Case of the Spilled Milk

I've been a stay-at-home-mom for... let's see... one, two, three... three and a half days now. I have failed every single day at being awesome, or even just being good!




Quick recap:

Sunday, I lose patience with my son multiple times, he keeps running away, and Elijah wouldn't go to bed until nearly ten p.m. Like any self-respecting mother with a wedding project to do, I gave him to his father and said, "You handle it, Steve," and worked with Lindsey on the thing we had to do (which I'll tell you about after next weekend because it's a surprise for our Allisha P.). RESPONSIBILITY FAIL.

Monday wasn't so bad, except I lost the work deposit from Saturday and let my baby spill Strawberry Extreme all over himself and now I have lots of laundry which needs soaking in simple green. LAUNDRY FAIL.

And today, Tuesday, it's not even noon! I'm making Stephen some lunch to take to work and Elijah pulls down the entire OPEN jug of milk from the counter. ELIJAH (bless his little heart) SPILLS THE WHOLE THING. I did not react very well to that... mostly because I know there's a gap between the edge of the flooring and the dishwasher. Underneath that gap is floor padding and empty space. If milk was trapped there and went bad... I don't even want to think about it! My reaction to this caused my son to cry, my husband to worry, and caused me to use a roll of paper towels to clean the entire mess up. Needless to say, I grumbled the whole time - at least, until it was clean. 

While apologizing to my husband for losing it, he said "You don't need to apologize to me."
I'm reminded of my friends, the Tademas, and how Elijah Tadema (we call him Big Elijah) once praised his wife for apologizing to his son after she raised her voice to him. What a beautiful example of Godly motherhood!
 
Let me put it this way: How many times have I failed in the last three days? (Don't tell me, I already know.) And how many times has God "lost it" with me? Now that is some perspective.

I try to be always mindful of the sacrifice Jesus made for me. He loves me so much he died for me. If I spilled the milk, even if I did know not to grab from the counter, would he fly off the handle at me or would he make sure I was okay and clean it up graciously in order to be a servant?

Didn't he wash his disciples' feet?

Needless to say, I went into the living room, picked up my son and kissed his beautiful little face. I love that little boy so much, and I know we have a lot of learning to do together. We'll make it work with a little bit of effort, some encouragement, and a God of the Universe who loves us inexplicably.

 
All for now.

Love, Kaela

...and now you're reading about Kaela!

I live in the same town where I was born, and have lived here all my life. I don't ever want to live anywhere else.

I have a 5 year old son who has high-functioning autism. To me, this doesn't mean our family is less. I see it this way: my bear has a learning disability, so I just need to work twice as hard to teach him and figure out exactly the best methods with which to do so.

I am married to my middle school sweetheart. It was a bumpy ride, but we are rolling along smoothly now!

I love eating, so I eat a lot. My sweet tooth is the prevalent one. Though I enjoy vegetables on their own merit, I am - by no means - a vegetarian.

I am a crafter, a photographer, a singer, a writer, a designer, and a baker. I basically love to create everything, and if I could create for the rest of my life I would be so okay with that.

I love my family. I serve them the best I can daily.

I am opinionated, but I can be reasoned with and debated with. I am the first person willing to admit wrongdoing or wrong-thinking, but I have to be shown reasonably that I am so. I don't take it lying down - so if I'm wrong, someone better be really on top of it to tell me so and give me concrete evidence. (I'm not stubborn... just really... well... proud sometimes...)

Mostly, most importantly, I love Jesus. If there's one thing I want anyone to read here it's that I love Jesus, my Savior, my God, the One who came to seek and save the lost (like me!). If there's anything anyone reads here, I want it to be how GOOD He is, and how much He loves not just me, but you! Because He does... He loves us so much that He died for us. So I choose to love Him back and be called according to His purpose... because it's so much better than my own!